These last couple of months have been crazy. It feels like I’ve been here for only one month … I remember at the beginning thinking ‘oh wow, I still have another three months’. What a big fat lie, three months is n o t h i n g. It’s gone in a split second. It’s nothing in a human life. But for me it was, because those three months are one of my best memories and learning experiences ever.
One month before leaving Canada, I somehow was ready to go home. I had seen everything I wanted to see, learned a lot about who I am, how there are almost no limits but that we only impose them upon ourselves and how I was not at all openminded (though I thought I was). I accepted the fact there was an end to everything but being here, spending my last days it made me realize you’re never ready to say goodbye. I’ve cried a lot more thinking about leaving Canada than I have going to Canada. I keep thinking ‘let me stay a little longer, let me experience just a bit more, give me just a little more time.’ Alas, time has come. I have to close this chapter to start another. That’s life … I’m finishing up here to start again somewhere else carrying a luggage full of experience with me. I’m grateful for everything. I couldn’t have asked for more but yet here I am … wanting just a bit more time.
I had no idea where the hell I would end up. I just booked my flight, booked a hostel and I knew my school was called Ryerson University. For fuck’s sake, I even ordered the wrong tourist guide before I came here. I bought a West-Canada tourist guide and Toronto is East of Canada. (I know …)
People ask me why did you pick Canada? I have no idea, I probably chose the place to be as far away as possible from my parents. (I’m sorry mom and dad but you know I mean well) One of the things I’ve come to realize here is that my parents aren’t all knowing, they don’t always know better and they do make mistakes because well yeah they’re human. But I had a very hard time accepting that because as a child you see your parents as an example, they know better because they just know but I started to see that they do make mistakes – even in the small things – and I had such a hard time accepting that, that it made me angry. Angry towards them, how can they make these mistakes, aren’t they supposed to know better? Well no, because they’re just human like me.
My dad said he thought I was too young to do such an exchange. Well dad, I disagree and I think he might agree with me now. This has been my best experience so far and if you’re reading this and you’re doubting whether to go on an exchange, please don’t doubt. The world is far more bigger than your home country.
It’s funny how I’m also at the end and how I look around more when I walk the streets of Toronto, how I take in everything because I might not see it again (soon). Saying goodbye is really really hard but like Winnie the Pooh says: how lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.
I wish I could describe more on what I’ve experienced but the best way to know is to do it yourself. I’m grateful that my mom and dad supported me in doing this and if you’re a mom or dad and you’re reading this, I honestly don’t think you can give your child a bigger gift than that (except for giving life).
So here I am, my last 2 days asking for just some more time but no, time has come. Leaving one chapter to head to another. Whatever lays in front of me, I’m heading your way. Be prepared.
This has been one hell of a journey and I can’t emphasize it enough. I have cried, laughed, experienced, loved and now I’m leaving. What I’ve learned is that I will always return home but I’ll never stay. I cannot wait for another journey to head my way. Cheers to those who wander but aren’t lost.